remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
