I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize