Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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