Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
