We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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