the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize