Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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