Fine. I'll sleep in my office
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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