yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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