PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
