so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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