went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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