the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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