My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
