why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
