your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
