What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize