We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
