Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I puked a lego.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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