me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
