Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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