last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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