I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
pray to the hookup gods
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
