You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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