Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
