is wine microwaveable?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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