Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
