i was born a porn star she said
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
