Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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