Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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