so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
