Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
