HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize