so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
