Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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