I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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