The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I did not marry a roomba.
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