I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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