i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
