I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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