Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
