the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
