i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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