I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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