well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
