i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We just shotgunned beers for America
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
