I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
