she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
