Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
