Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
