I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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