I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Sext me about skeletons
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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