cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
