We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
