so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
