What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
