I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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