Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
