Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
