Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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