That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
