Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
