Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
