Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
