I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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