She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
