In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
