I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I supernannyed him into submission
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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