I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
