I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He's on the porch naked. Help.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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