Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
