Tell her she can't have a vagina
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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