even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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