a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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