why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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