it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
soo... how was my night?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
